Chair F*cking Simulator News

[h2]Your friends, enemies, and respected heroes all will appreciate the gift of CHAIR F*CKING SIMULATOR this HOLIDAY SEASON.[/h2]

Currently on sale 20% OFF for the Steam Winter Sale until Jan 2nd!

Your government-assigned couch spouse has ARRIVED on the scene.
So mac truck back up whack up that snack up stuff that food into those cushions and go full concentrated ham in The-Random-August-2024-ChairF*cking-Simulator-Update!

[h3]Available in the starting roster, no special secret unlock crap required! WOW[/h3]

[h3]Also In This Update:[/h3]

• A really stupid bug with the Achievements not unlocking promptly should be fixed. The responsible horrible person has been appropriately thrown empty into the sea.
  
• New texty bits added for the sparkling chair browsing experience
  

HEY CRRAIG
HIY KYLE
NO CAP BRAYDEN

you tired of f*cking a puny chair and watching ur billionaire friends have SICKASS sock darning lessons on their plump-ass trophy couches?
BRO, double dip your shoe shine in-between these wet sofa cushions like a privileged Vice Magazine cover model. Get slapped up real good like your best friend Dustin Nathaniel David Joseph John.

slide it up SLIDE IT TWICE because this couch is gonna dap up your wide wrists like an unscratched Ford visa Bronco wagon.
[h3]Reload your jesus machinegun, because your government-assigned couch spouse has ARRIVED on the scene.[/h3]
this juicy lamb of the lake is gonna lather up your mind and soul right out of your smelly asshole.
you don't need a subscription to this service, baby, because you OWN IT, you bought it forever and you can hold it in your little tiny needle fingers, ripe and sloppy with gin and beef stick grease.



[h3]Available in the starting roster, no special secret unlock crap required! WOW [/h3]
So rise up, workers! abolish sofas only for the rich, and feed the hungry, and let them f*ck upon the pristine wide chungaroos of a deep dish vice presidential couch. it's not a love seat, it's LOVE SEATS plural because you're riding all night and driving all day.

mac truck back up whack up that snack up stuff that food into those cushions and go full concentrated ham in The-Random-August-2024-ChairF*cking-Simulator-Update!
kill me please

[h2]Also In This Update:[/h2]

• A really stupid bug with the Achievements not unlocking promptly should be fixed. The responsible horrible person has been appropriately thrown empty into the sea.
  
• New texty bits added for the sparkling chair browsing experience
  
• All of our sins
  

[h2]HELLO CHAIR FANS & ENTHUSIASTS[/h2]
Take off your skid marks and get ready to raw straight through the cave cheese and deep dive into that soft onion-to-onion grappling flavor. We bring you a small pretty OK update. It's not bad! One that will be sure to make you go "..Alright!"

WHAT'S NEW

• Ottoman added to the chair roster
  
• A new Chair Stats screen- to tell you all about what you've done and haven't done- to help out the completionists. Grandma always advised you to keep a diary, and now you have a stained book full of cream cheese and scream memories on which to reflect.
  
• End of encounter results now has some accompanying sound effects.
  
• Bug fixes & some minor improvements
  

Stop cooking meth for a minute, and check this out: You're under arrest! Just kidding, play Chair F*cking Simulator and try not to dig holes in your neighbor's yard.

🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃
ℍ𝔸𝕃𝕃𝕆𝕎𝔼𝔼ℕ came back. Holy crap! It returned! We better celebrate by letting a bunch of pumpkins watch us slap the bassline.

For all of October the Halloween theme is active again in Chair F*cking Simulator! Come and come! Let's all put the pump in pumpkin!

Follow us on Twitter