Gerald Borough’s Guide to Things That Will Kill You (Probably Horribly)
I've spent years mapping forgotten ruins, dodging traps, and running away from things with far too many teeth. So, as a public service to all you would-be Inquisitors who aren’t quite as fast on your feet, I’ve put together this little guide, a bestiary of horrors, beasts, and bastards you’re likely to run into in Faelduum. Study it well, or better yet—just don’t leave town.
[h2]Terror Wolf[/h2]
Wolves are bad enough, but take a regular wolf, feed it rage and black magic, and you get this oversized nightmare. If one of these starts picking off your livestock, forget the pitchforks—get a war band. Or better yet, invest in some really tall fences and move far, far away.
[h2]Skeleton Bowman[/h2]
Ah, the classic! Some restless corpse who refuses to take a hint. One time, I tried to convince a skeleton it was already dead. Thought maybe it would lay down and save me the trouble. Instead, it shot a crossbow bolt at my face. So… don't try reasoning with them. They’ve got unfinished business, and unfortunately, you are now that business.
[h2]Skeleton Lancer[/h2]
Some lunatic with a grudge against the living decided to stick a spear in this animated pile of bones and send it out to ruin your day. It moves faster than you'd think for something with no muscles, and trust me, it does not appreciate jokes about being dead. If you see one, do yourself a favor, and shatter its knee before it gets the chance to shatter yours.
[h2]Green Slimelet[/h2]
A sentient blob of goo that only exists to eat and multiply. Reminds me of a certain merchant I met in Zalthold… but at least slimes don’t try to overcharge you for stale bread. Keep your distance unless you enjoy finding out which parts of your body dissolve first.
[h2]Green Slime[/h2]
Just like the Slimelet, but bigger, slimier, and even more annoying. It doesn’t need to eat you, it just wants to. Ever had a visitor who just wouldn’t take a hint and leave? That’s a Green Slime, except instead of being an ex who won’t stop sending letters, it’s a flesh-melting ooze that can ruin your entire day.
[h2]Rogue Mage[/h2]
There’s nothing worse than someone who thinks they’re the smartest person in the room—except maybe one who can fry you where you stand. Rogue mages don’t fight fair, and they definitely don’t talk things out. The moment you see the air start to spark around them, don’t wait to find out if they’re just showing off, hit first, or prepare to glow like a festival lantern.
[h2]Broadsword Gremlin[/h2]
Now, this one I almost like. It’s got heart! A sword, a shield, and a serious height complex. If it wasn’t actively trying to stab me, I’d invite it round for a drink. But alas, it is, and so, sadly, I must cut it down. Shame, really.
[h2]Bandit Bowman[/h2]
The kind of scum that prefers to shoot you in the back rather than fight you face-to-face. Usually found lurking in the woods, waiting to fill some unlucky traveler with arrows before they even know what’s happening. Cowards, the lot of them. Dangerous cowards, but cowards nonetheless.
[h2]Brigand[/h2]
These bastards have weapons and—sometimes—even know how to use them. They usually rely on numbers rather than skill, which makes them extra dangerous if you let yourself get surrounded. They're desperate, they're violent, and they only need one lucky swing to turn you into a corpse. Don’t give them that chance.
There! Now you know just enough to not die immediately. But let’s be honest, you’re probably going to get yourself killed anyway. So if you do, at least make sure to leave a decent map behind. I’ll take good care of it.
Stay up to date by following us on Facebook, X, Bluesky, and Instagram, and join our Discord server to connect with fellow Inquisitors.
[h2]Terror Wolf[/h2]
Wolves are bad enough, but take a regular wolf, feed it rage and black magic, and you get this oversized nightmare. If one of these starts picking off your livestock, forget the pitchforks—get a war band. Or better yet, invest in some really tall fences and move far, far away.
[h2]Skeleton Bowman[/h2]
Ah, the classic! Some restless corpse who refuses to take a hint. One time, I tried to convince a skeleton it was already dead. Thought maybe it would lay down and save me the trouble. Instead, it shot a crossbow bolt at my face. So… don't try reasoning with them. They’ve got unfinished business, and unfortunately, you are now that business.
[h2]Skeleton Lancer[/h2]
Some lunatic with a grudge against the living decided to stick a spear in this animated pile of bones and send it out to ruin your day. It moves faster than you'd think for something with no muscles, and trust me, it does not appreciate jokes about being dead. If you see one, do yourself a favor, and shatter its knee before it gets the chance to shatter yours.
[h2]Green Slimelet[/h2]
A sentient blob of goo that only exists to eat and multiply. Reminds me of a certain merchant I met in Zalthold… but at least slimes don’t try to overcharge you for stale bread. Keep your distance unless you enjoy finding out which parts of your body dissolve first.
[h2]Green Slime[/h2]
Just like the Slimelet, but bigger, slimier, and even more annoying. It doesn’t need to eat you, it just wants to. Ever had a visitor who just wouldn’t take a hint and leave? That’s a Green Slime, except instead of being an ex who won’t stop sending letters, it’s a flesh-melting ooze that can ruin your entire day.
[h2]Rogue Mage[/h2]
There’s nothing worse than someone who thinks they’re the smartest person in the room—except maybe one who can fry you where you stand. Rogue mages don’t fight fair, and they definitely don’t talk things out. The moment you see the air start to spark around them, don’t wait to find out if they’re just showing off, hit first, or prepare to glow like a festival lantern.
[h2]Broadsword Gremlin[/h2]
Now, this one I almost like. It’s got heart! A sword, a shield, and a serious height complex. If it wasn’t actively trying to stab me, I’d invite it round for a drink. But alas, it is, and so, sadly, I must cut it down. Shame, really.
[h2]Bandit Bowman[/h2]
The kind of scum that prefers to shoot you in the back rather than fight you face-to-face. Usually found lurking in the woods, waiting to fill some unlucky traveler with arrows before they even know what’s happening. Cowards, the lot of them. Dangerous cowards, but cowards nonetheless.
[h2]Brigand[/h2]
These bastards have weapons and—sometimes—even know how to use them. They usually rely on numbers rather than skill, which makes them extra dangerous if you let yourself get surrounded. They're desperate, they're violent, and they only need one lucky swing to turn you into a corpse. Don’t give them that chance.
There! Now you know just enough to not die immediately. But let’s be honest, you’re probably going to get yourself killed anyway. So if you do, at least make sure to leave a decent map behind. I’ll take good care of it.
Stay up to date by following us on Facebook, X, Bluesky, and Instagram, and join our Discord server to connect with fellow Inquisitors.
