Steven the Sperm News

Hello, you can tell by the fact I'm not cracking any jokes that this is a serious update.

A particularly nasty glitch occurs on the 5th stage under certain conditions that will make it impossible to complete the stage.

This update will fix the glitch for new players, but existing players should take precautions by clearing their checkpoint data:

1) On the title screen, click the "Options" question mark.
2) Under the "Checkpoints" category...
~~~~~ a) If you have checkpoints enabled, press 'no'.
~~~~~ b) If you have checkpoints disabled, press 'yes', then 'no'.
After doing this, feel free to change the setting back to what it was previously.

Although this will wipe your checkpoint data, it'll ensure that you won't encounter this glitch when you make it to the fifth stage. I apologize for any inconveniences this may have caused, or how many hours of grinding it might've wasted (oh, I guess there's a joke).

It's not just this one fix though, other spermy content (idfk honestly I just feel bad for the lack of sperm puns) in this update includes:

• Controller support. No, I am not kidding. It was designed around the Xbox controller, so other controllers may not work as well. Use the left stick/dpad to rotate, A to accelerate, X to dash, B to brake, and back to go back to the title screen or quit the game.
  
• You may now use either of the shift keys to dash. This is useful for if you like to use the "ZX" or "./" control schemes, as well as if your keyboard's spacebar isn't good at detecting rapid presses (such as my Microsoft Ergonomic 4000).
  
• Fixed two stray pixels between the end of the j**z cell section and the rotating spermicide section in Stage 2.
  
• Fixed an overlapped face in the top right of Stage 3.
  
• Improved the image quality of the white backdrop, which was set to a smaller size than it was supposed to be for some reason.
  

Cya!

EDIT:
Here's a couple of fixes I made after just a little more testing... nothing so amazing that it gets its own announcement post to bury this one, but I figured I'd at least outline here:

• A cosmetic reward will now display properly. This may also fix a crash that was happening on the program's startup, since the program was trying to access an object that didn't exist.
  
• The Xbox controller can now use the "next" boxes properly.
  
• The title screen now says "Dash" under the play button instead of "Spacebar" due to the new controller and shift key options.
  

EDIT 2:
This is such a dumb mistake, I can't believe I forgot about it.

• Certain textboxes now work with controller.
  
• A particular input at a particularly bad time now works with controller. If you know, you know. No spoilers though.
  

Hey ya'll, PJSim here. This is a very difficult game, you know. So if you find yourself getting pissed off, always try to remember to take a break.

For instance, say for example you're trying to get the HEMOSPERMIA achievement on your personal account after already unlocking them on your Acorn business account. You spend all of your time dying over and over again in Stage 4, trying to collect all of the cells. Oh man do you begin to consider removing quitting that level. You eventually beat the gauntlet... only to find that 'Stage 5' has started you out INSIDE the walls of spermicide.

You have no idea what the f!!k is wrong with your programming how that could've happened, so you get so pissed off that you rant about it in the developer announcements uninstall the game from your computer! We don't want that, do we?

So yeah. Get mad? Take a break. Especially in ???? mode, since the atmosphere is so daunting and depressing. I might make an update soon, might not, I dunno. See ya.

Sometime I’ve noticed is many people who’ve played this game haven’t had checkpoints enabled. They’re supposed to be enabled by default, but I guess it just hasn’t been working.

1) On the title screen, go to Options (the ?)
2) Click “Yes” under “Checkpoints”
3) Climax.

I’d release an update to help notify people, but I’m currently spending two weeks at a sex C++ camp, so I won’t be back until August 2nd, even then I have college work to do. Thanks for playing STS!

OK, so get this. I was just chilling on my computer working on a 3D MMORPG mode for STS, when all of a sudden some crazy dude shot an ancient looking arrow through the window. Miraculously, the arrow didn't hit me, but it DID hit Steven's sprite as I was working on updating it to the 4K vector graphics. Amazingly, the screen didn't break, but the sprite started freaking out with some type of mystical energy I couldn't see. It was kinda crazy. All of the work on that MMORPG mode was wiped, but when I checked the game out, Steven had gotten some new powers during the final stage. He had to die five times in order for it to activate, but after that... I.... uh... yeah. I don't know.

CHANGELOG:

• The final stage is easier thanks to Steven's new optional mystic powers... that activates after 5 deaths (I also decreased the time it takes for cells to spawn but nobody cares about that and honestly I doubt anybody would've even noticed if I hadn't written this).
  

ᴵ ᵃᵖᵒˡᵒᵍᶦᶻᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵃⁿʸᵇᵒᵈʸ ʷʰᵒ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿᵗ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵒᵐᵉʷʰᵃᵗ ᶜʳᶦⁿᵍʸ ʳᵉᶠᵉʳᵉⁿᶜᵉ.

So... it's been a while. But we're coming back with a pretty cool announcement:

CHANGELOG:

• A brand new stage! Titled the "5 Challenges", you can play this extra stage via the options menu.
  
• Two new achievements and cosmetics based around the stage!
  

That's right, a brand new stage for ya'll to enjoy! I figured that after such a long time of no activity, it was only right to give you guys something new to mess with. This new stage can sort of act as a playground and training room for mastering the game's controls and elements, so definitely check it out!

--------------------------------------------
TL;DR:

• No new updates so far due to lack of activity & my personal mistakes.
  
• This new update intended to be a new start for new and old users alike.
  
• If you want me to fix stuff or add more to the game, say something!
  
• The game is 50% for the summer sale! Only $1!
  
• Thanks to everybody who has played this game. You're amazing.
  

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Now for the serious part. There haven't been any major updates like this because there has been no activity surrounding this game. This is completely my fault though, as I fell into the beginners trap of opening the store too early, causing the initial wave of users to just see a "coming soon" entry. This caused most people who've found this game to just add it to their wishlist, then never follow up on it.

I want to change that. I hope this new stage will attract more users who'll be inspired to write reviews and start discussions surrounding the game. Even if they're negative, I want to hear them. If nobody says anything, then I just assume that the game is perfect and everybody who bought it is completely satisfied. If you guys start talking, I'll be inspired to keep supporting the game and adding new things to fix the game or make it even better. But once again, if nobody cares, then updates might come less frequently.

To assist with making the game more appealing to you guys, I'm participating in the Steam summer sale by making this game 50% off. If you didn't want to buy the game for $2, then now you can for $1. For a game like this one with hours upon hours of potential playtime, mastery, and things to unlock, this is a real bargain I recommend ya'll pick up.

I don't want to sound all snobby, like I don't appreciate the very fact that I have a game on Steam that people have actually played - so as I've said many times in the past, thank you all so much for checking out Steven the Sperm. Especially those of you who came out of nowhere... you're all legitimately amazing people and I encourage you to help out more indie developers like you've helped out me.