Priest Simulator: Vampire Show News

Good evening AIs. What do you think you are thinking about, you brainless puppets?

I like how stupid our NPCs are. They walk, drink, talk, dance, and work without purpose. Surely each of you has a fellow parasite who wanders thorugh their life aimlessly. Would be suitable for our game. They are marionettes, just marionettes waiting for you to pull the string.

I like to provoke them, tease them, and humiliate them. I probably have some secret trauma, so I release my emotions in video games. Who doesn't?

I like it when they try to fight me, but they don't know I'm creator of their matrix. That I can use cheats, and destroy them with weapons they will never afford. I feel like a God then. Or even better. Like a priest, a God's movie star.

How are you doing heavy metal maniacs ːpraisesunː? As our games are interconnected, I came up with the idea to spam you with all the updates with one sheet, just like supermarkets do. I think it’s a fair spam, we all live to spend money in supermarkets. There is no logic behind the order that I would be aware of - I acted intuitively. And I doubt I’ll stick to the same order every time. But let’s get down to business. Can I get a witness?

I picked up the main issues we had to deal with this week, and probably will still be dealing with during the next one.

BOOZE MASTER

https://store.steampowered.com/app/1057600/Booze_Master/

We’ve already learned the lesson. The art must be coherent. We lost our vision here and there during Infernal Radiation development, now we’re taking care of the cohesion of Booze Master. This week we’ve been trying to make the windows fit together. We chose the „general feel” of UI, and it’s almost finished, but there are still some areas to improve. Firstly, some elements are still too mobile, which doesn’t go very well with a three-dimensional, realistic world. Secondly, there are parts that feel too modern, which doesn’t go very well with the cartoon/wooden aesthetics we decided to stick to.



HUMAN FARM

https://store.steampowered.com/app/1276510/Human_Farm/

Our meat plant was too far away. Too far away from home, too far away from the main street, consequently too far from the vendors, and too far from the clients. It meant the game looked a bit like a running simulator. You’d kill us for backtracking. I mean, you’ll kill us for backtracking anyway, but rather softly, because it doesn't hurt anymore. I feel all flushed with fever, but that’s a farming game, for fuck’s sake. You’ll love the the coziness of our tiny town, and the duplicity of our small community. Of course, relocating the factory resulted in, among other things, redoing the environment, moving tutorial triggers etc. Well, that's what we're here for. Look at the picture to imagine the difference.



PRIEST SIMULATOR

https://store.steampowered.com/app/950620/Priest_Simulator/

Believe me, we want this demo to be out as badly as no-one in the whole world, even you. What must be done in order to release it? We have to polish this shit because we're still ashamed of some of some details. We’re good with feeling ashamed of our story, AI, graphics, hardware requirements, but not things like that you can see on the screenshot. There will be no levitating trees in Priest Simulator, apologies.



MERCYFUL FLAMES

https://store.steampowered.com/app/1066740/Mercyful_Flames/

Oh no. This was a typical week of invisible steps. What I mean is that we’ve got nothing new to share with you, as we’re fulfilling a duty of refactoring the code. Mercyful Flames got bigger, we designed new features to make the game more engaging, and that resulted in the necessity of renovation the old features. Live is life. We all give the power, we all give the best.

ULTIMATE SUMMER

https://store.steampowered.com/app/664460/Ultimate_Summer/

We plan to get out of EA next month. We’re finishing adding new sounds, and tracks. The comic book is finished.

INFERNAL RADIATION

https://store.steampowered.com/app/832140/Infernal_Radiation/

Guys, it’s 90% off now. It’s a brutal discount.

My last words:

I think I’ll be repeating this each time we meet. If you want to support us, please add our games to your wishlist or buy any of them. If you already have played one of our games, and you liked it, please leave us a review, may be a short one, because it simply results in development of our team, and quality of the games. ːironfistː

Hello beautiful people ːpraisesunː!

Betis - Barca is over, so it's the perfect moment to share a screen. I've already shown it in some places but I guess there are people who haven't meet our main character yet. So, well, this guy here is the main character. It's an FPP game, and you can ask WHO CARES? I won't answer that question but I know one thing: there are a lot of cutscenes in Priest Simulator, and this is the ugly face you start with, so get ready. Don't worry, later in the game you'll have this cool look from the promotional banner. You know, this one here:



You should be able to guess the character's name.

Good evening heavy gas maniacs.

We managed to change the status of confession mechanics from redundant into necessary. You boost your stats as a reward. And you're not that good to finish Priest Simulator without those boosts, believe me. It's hard as concreted asphalt. I mean, it's hard when you don't get those boosts. However, with the boosts it's getting fucking easy. My dear devs, if you're reading this, please balance the game. We need to release it, people need to play.

Here is some gameplay. Have a nice cringe. We're gonna add some green particles to make the confessions even more sensual.

[previewyoutube][/previewyoutube]

There are only three people kneeling in front of the confessional and waiting for priest's mercy, because these are the only people I managed to convert. Dozens of others are waiting.

I'll be back soon, I got tired of this silence.

NO CHILD ABUSE

This is the official statement for all those who ask if they will have fun with altar servers.

Here you have two Polish films (English subtitles included) that take the subject seriously:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrUvQ3W3nV4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0ym5kPf3Vc

There are also Clergy and Spotlight, which you can probably watch on some streaming service.

I hope they are enough to meet your interest in the topic.

If you're writing about harassment for a joke, know that we are not amused. And no, it has nothing to do with our game.

If you seriously expect child abuse from any game, then just get out of here.

Pedophilia is just one of the areas concerning the powerful institution, the church. There are plenty of other fields to exploit and we don't have to take the whole package. Revelations, exorcisms, miracles, satanists, furniture demolition, brewing moonshine, and growing marijuana. We squeeze the Christian culture juice, but but only from selected fruits. We manipulate facts to make the narrative stick together. There is no place for children in this narrative.